The Early Years

After looking at this picture, you can tell that there are several differences in the genetic make-up of my siblings and I. The two older girls and young boy wearing the black suit are three of my father's children, making them my half-brother and sisters. As you can see, I have acquired a lighter skin complexion from my mother, being that my mother's son, my oldest brother, and I share similar skin tones unlike the rest. I guess having a large head was also a trait inherited from my mother:)

When I look at this picture, on the other hand, I can't help but notice emptiness in both my eyes and the eyes of my brother. From this picture, one would think that I was quiet or withdrawn as a little girl. I believe I was three-years-old in this picture, and at that time, nothing about me was shy. I have heard so many stories about how I was talking like a baby genius and how some of my family members often questioned themselves forgetting they were engaged in a conversation with me. I also loved to sing and dance, so I frequently performed. Cognitively, I developed at a steady pace despite misconceptions. I was counting, reciting the alphabet, and reading before you knew it. Being around my siblings, I would say helped me be a social extrovert and challenged me to remain physically active. Having said all of these things, physically, socially, and cognitively, I am certain that I developed normally. Emotionally, I am not so sure. I guess this is part of the reason why I see emptiness in my eyes in the picture above. Even though I developed secure attachment with my grandmother, my mother and father were different. I was ALWAYS being cared for by my grandmother, and my aunt was something like her assistant. They were always making excuses for my mother, and I often remember them bribing me in order that I would stop crying for my mother. My grandmother would bring me to "The Markin Basket," that's what I called the local grocery store. Anyhow, she brought me there so that I could buy fruit for everyone in the family. This was her way to get me to stop crying. They also told me that I would get new things such as clothes and jewelry. I ended up getting those things but never what I really wanted, my mother. As for my dad, he was always trying to get custody of me and take me away from my mother. My grandmother never let this happen, but I was immediately turned off and did not want to stay with my dad for a long period of time. My temperament at this time was not normal, I would scream and holler hours on end just to leave my dad and be with my grandmother. This however, did not change the fact that I really wanted to be close to my mother. In dealing with emotions and attachment, I was in bad shape.